Holiday Tips for Caregivers
The winter holidays can be a time of great fun, connection, and making memories. At the same time, children who have experienced trauma and loss can struggle with reminders, difficult memories, and big feelings. Here are some tips for the caregivers on your caseload.
- Check in with kids about their feelings. For children with histories of loss or trauma, parents don’t need to avoid the elephants in the living room. They should find a quiet moment and ask their child(ren) a few gentle questions. For example, they might say, “Who or what do you miss this holiday season?” Or, “How are things the same or different from last year at this time?”
Parents could also provide information to normalize kids’ reactions, such as the fact that it is okay to have opposite feelings at the same time or that the holidays can be hard, sometimes, for kids who have experienced loss and/or trauma. They should give kids space to take in the information and respond (or not). Kids should know that their caregivers are available to process big feelings whenever they come up.
- Keep structure and routines in place as much as possible. Vacation from school, staying up late, traveling, hosting out-of-town family and friends…while fun and exciting, these breaks in routine can be stressful for kids struggling with anxiety or traumatic stress. Encourage parents to build in structure where possible. For example, caregivers might have children get up around the same time they do during school days and keep up with evening routines and bedtimes, too.
Caregivers might want to intersperse a few structured activities into days that might otherwise be unscheduled. They should let kids know what to expect each day by telling them what plans are on the agenda. Encourage caregivers to allow kids space to retreat into a quiet corner of the house when they want to get away from noise or stimulation.
- Lower expectations. Chances are, caregivers been shopping, wrapping gifts, baking, and decorating, all with the hope of making special holiday memories as a family. When kids have meltdowns, don’t appear to appreciate your hard work, show frustration or anger, or choose to spend time alone in their rooms, caregivers should try not to take it personally. The holidays, no matter how fun, often serve as trauma and loss reminders; meanwhile, even kids without trauma histories or special needs can be overstimulated or stressed in the face of all that’s happening.
While it is important to keep basic behavioral expectations (and consequences) in place, encourage caregivers to give their kids—and themselves—grace when things don’t go according to plan, or feelings get ruffled. Tell caregivers to expect that their children will forget to say thank you, fight with cousins, refuse to smile in holiday pictures, and react with jealousy when someone else receives a coveted gift. Remind caregivers to keep their eyes on the prize—providing the strong family support that is so crucial for children’s healing from trauma. Encourage caregivers to practice radical acceptance, take deep cleansing breaths, and let the rest go. Like all things, the holidays will pass.